shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
