just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
