I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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