That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
