Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
