You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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