i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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