i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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