I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
