He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
