I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
