i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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