I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
