She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
