that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
