i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
