I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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