My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
