bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You pole danced in your parka.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
