I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
