i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
