I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
