living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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