when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
being pregnant is like rehab
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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