The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
