Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Damn victory sex feels great
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