My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
