I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
