and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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