In the future we'll all be gay
I'm gonna have a badass scar
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
BRING THE BAGELS
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
