Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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