the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
