I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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