Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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