the condom got lost in my hair
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
