so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He passed out mid-signature
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
