her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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