Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
