Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
