I got chris browned last night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
