Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Come on in and take your pants off
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