I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
