well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
