I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
