I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize