the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
