shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
