Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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