You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
