She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
