He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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