i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
