she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize