dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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