I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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