So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize