Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
