with your own penis?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
