there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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