I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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