he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
