I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
