He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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