Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
