actually, I'm a sock model
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
