there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
