is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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