I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
