What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you would pick up someone in the library
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
