Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
