Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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