Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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