I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
