God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My vagina is officially offended.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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