i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
