What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
