Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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