Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
