Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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