I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
