Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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