I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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