She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sponge bath it is.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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