Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
