I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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