watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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