i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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