wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize