I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
