And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
