We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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