my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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