bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
