there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
