He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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