Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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