you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
