Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
