Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have aggressive nipples.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
