Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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