Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
