does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
