...so i touched it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
