I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
